Coming Out Story – Erica Pionke's Guide to Reno LGBTQ

Sherrie Scaffidi, President of the Transgender Allies Group (TAG)

When I logged into Zoom yesterday, I was faced with a woman with perfectly coiffed hair, nails with no chips in them and all done up in makeup. I was wearing pants and a bra and I felt like I was winning.

This was the second time I had the opportunity to talk to Ms. Sherrie Scaffidi, the president of the Transgender Allies Group, or TAG. TAG is mostly a lobbying organization for transgender rights, but they provide extensive resources for those who are seeking legal gender identity changes, including a flow chart on how to do it.

She’s not only a customer, but she’s one of their biggest clients. Not really—that’s just a goofy old saying from a commercial in the 80’s.

But she has had to walk through many of the scary legal transitioning experiences and now helps transgender Nevadans gain easier access. She said that she tried to sell her house in Fernley after transitioning, which was the impetus for developing a form to help others to sell their houses after their names are legally changed.

As someone who was assigned male at birth, she play-acted her life as a man for decades, through a 43-year marriage that ended when her wife passed away in 2012 from cancer. She still keeps close with her three kids who are all adults themselves now. She said her kids still call her Dad and Pop.

Sherrie explained that her sister asked her how she learned to walk after transitioning with such a feminine sway, Sherrie explained that she actually had to learn how to walk like a man throughout her life. She said she’s felt different since she was 8 years old.

Sherrie is also a military Veteran and an advocate for LGBTQ Veterans in Nevada. She’s worked with the local VA, and she estimates that there are 2,000 transgender Vets living in Nevada today.

In 2013, when she started transitioning, she had a lot of fear about coming out as a woman. Now, she hands out her personal information to anyone who will take it so that she can make connections and help others in the transgender community.

Please check back in tomorrow, where I will talk some more about Sherrie and her great work in Northern Nevada.

Erica’s Coming Out Story: The Parents

It was the June 26th of 2010 in Chicago. I took Belmont to the Kennedy Expressway south on my way to Jackson Park in my teal Chevy Cavalier. I don’t remember the meetup spot, but I remember the girl with a Jack Russell Terrier in a carrier on the back of her motorcycle. I followed her to the Dyke March and sought her out to meet her “casually.”

She was my first girlfriend. It didn’t last very long, but long enough to officially make my way out of the closet.

I was visiting with my parents in my childhood living room. They were sitting in one corner, my mom on the end of the couch and my dad in the rocking chair next to her. I sat in the other corner, in the swivel chair by the TV. We were talking about what I was going to do about my car that had just broken down.

There was a lull in the conversation and I thought, “Well, now is as good of a time as ever to tell them.”

“I need to tell you something.” My heart was pounding. “I’m dating a woman.”

Silence.

Then my mom said, “Well maybe your brother, Ben, can fix your car. Y’know, he used to work at the gas station.”

My mother is terribly hard of hearing. She had a cochlear implant in one ear and had 15% hearing in the other. She often misses discussions and has been known to have her own conversations with people who are trying to talk to her about something else. Once my friend asked where the garbage was and she responded that there were Cokes and Sprites in the basement fridge.

“Joan, your daughter just said she is dating a woman.”

“I know,” my mom responded. “I just thought maybe Ben might be able to help. I know she’s short on funds right now.”

I didn’t expect a celebration. I didn’t expect an explosion, either — my p’s are pretty hip people. But the complete lack of non-attention to the fact that I was dating a woman was surprisingly perfect.

It’s 12 years later and I live in Reno with my partner of almost 10 years. We just moved here and are exploring the city’s LGBTQ culture slowly. I hope to share that with you. Thank you for reading. Please subscribe to hear about all my LGBTQ adventures in Reno.

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